Did you know that children suffer from separation anxiety? I did not and let me just say it was a rough road for us. You might have been trying to take a kid-free vacation. Perhaps you want to do chores, work, or buy groceries. However, your kid reacts strongly to your absence. Perhaps you need to attend doctor appointments. But their reaction makes it difficult. Then this is for you!
The 4 signs I experienced with my daughter are:
- Clinginess
- Refusal to sleep alone
- Fear of losing a loved one
- Lack of Social Skills
The first sign I noticed was her extreme clinginess. At first, I thought it was cute and adorable, and I thought this was completely normal in a child. I mean, what parent doesn’t want their kids to want them this much? But slowly, I started to notice she wanted to be with me 24/7. Anywhere I was, she needed to be there. She always craved being held and cuddled.
I couldn’t go on vacations or grocery shopping without her. I couldn’t get anything done around the house if I wasn’t in her view. And going to work? Oh, my goodness, that was the hardest one of them all. I dreaded having to go to work and leave her like that.
Another sign was refusing to sleep alone; even though she had her own room she’d sleep with me.
When I started putting her in her own bed, it was so chaotic. The screaming was intense. The crying was uncontrollable. She would shake. Her crying was so bad that she would have trouble catching her breath. I did not know how much of an impact that would have on her. When she started sleeping in her own bed. I had to stay there cuddling her until she fell asleep. Then we reached the stage where she slept in her actual bed by herself. That stage was so heartbreaking for me. I felt hopeless. I felt defeated. I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t know how to even start to understand what she was going through or how to help her.
I started working long hours at work just to manage to make ends meet. Not seeing her and not putting her to bed made a bigger impact.
To top it off I got sick during my second pregnancy. The worst part was ending up at the hospital for almost two weeks. When I got back home to her, the tears fell down her face, and she crumbled up in my arms. Telling me how much she missed me, and something that I never expected to come out of her mouth. “Momma, am I going to lose you?” Those words broke my heart entirely. Hearing them from her at such a young age was heartbreaking. I held on tight to her, and I spent the entire weekend with her. All while wondering why her behavior was like this and how can I help her.
The last sign I noticed from her was her social skills. I would take her to the playgrounds to encourage her to socialize. But, she only wanted to be near me. It was hard getting out of this phase and very overwhelming. Every time another child would come near us, she’d back away instantly. She’d only allow me to play with her or be around her.
When she finally started school, I thought this would go away, but it didn’t.
Her first year in school, I would drop her off and pick her up. Which allowed me to be more involved in her school life, and after we’d go home and make dinner together. It’s funny how much we want our kids with us. Yet, sometimes spending too much time can affect them in ways we never expect.
These are just a few signs of separation anxiety in kids. There are other signs like nightmares of separation. Some children may refuse to go to school or throw temper tantrums. If left untreated, it can develop into panic attacks. Trust me, that is the last thing you’d want to deal with.
To help my daughter out, I sought out medical help, and they referred her to a therapist. This was the best decision I ever made. In her second year of school, she had her first best friend. After that, she had many friends from all different types of grades. Teachers and even the school officer knew her by name. It was amazing to see how much her social skills had changed. Even though her social skills improved significantly, she still struggles with certain aspects.
She saw a therapist for years. And was able to understand that it was okay for us to have our own time. But she still struggles with being alone. The fear of being abandoned still lingers. She is also worried about something bad happening to her or to me. She was recently referred back to a therapist.
If I had been able to identify and understand the signs, I would have been able to help her. But now that I know that I am aware of it, I was able to seek out help again.
I hope that my experience reaches out and helps you too.
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Author Nemesis N. Escobar